I had desired to start a prayer group for many years, but it was in the fall of 2004 when it actually happened. I had in my possession a series of cassette tapes from Father Robert DeGrandis. They featured a workshop given on a weekend for people who had no knowledge of the gifts of the Holy Spirit, to the end of the workshop when they came to know the fullness of all the gifts of the Holy Spirit, from praying in tongues to miracles. It was a great augment to the spiritual life of our prayer group which I shared with them.
About the writer
The part of that series which really intrigued me, though, was when Father DeGrandis asked this question: Have you ever wondered what you are actually saying when you pray in tongues? We may know the sense of it, such as petitioning, interceding, praising. But the particulars? So, Father DeGrandis suggested to pray in the Spirit, or in Tongues, for a short period, and ask for the gift of understanding and ask the Holy Spirit what He had said through you. I started doing so, and words would come.
These thoughts, these words, would come to me in periods of silence when I would pray in the Spirit for a short time, and then just ask our Lord what is it that He had said through the Holy Spirit. Similarly, in the silence during prayer or in front of the Blessed Sacrament, I would ask my Lord what is it that He would like to say to me, and I would just listen. I would have a thought, a phrase, or a word or two, like whisperings within my soul. Perhaps an image in my mind and heart would appear, and so I would just start writing it out, in my style of writing and in what my mind was understanding. Just as I would finish a phrase, another phrase would enter my mind and I would put that to words, then another thought, perhaps another phrase, another series of words and I would shape it into sentences and paragraphs. Just as suddenly, the inspiration would be finished. I would have written the inspiration from start to finish without any real dedicated movement on my part. It just came, and when it was done, it was decidedly finished. It was not automatic, but organic. Normally, although I love writing, it takes a long time to even construct an email, as to the content and word choice; a chore of my mind.
For a number of years, I had kept these inspirations to myself. Then I realized that these inspirations were not only for myself, but everyone. They seemed to be a synthesis of mostly Jesus talking to His children, leading them deeply into His heart. Many times, when people would share with me, I felt called to share some words with them from my inspirations in response to their issues or concerns. Many were touched in the heart, and would ask for a copy of those words. This was from Catholics as well as non-Catholics, lay-men as well as priests. I knew that only God can touch hearts, that there would be nothing that I could write totally on my own which would, or could, ever touch someone’s heart.
I was caught though, by my concern of the temptation that these were only but words from my pride and presumptuous thought, so I would purposely not write for long periods of time out of concern and fear. But then there came a great moment in front of the Blessed Sacrament when it was confirmed that our Lord seemed to want me to write, and continue doing so, and so I started sharing more with priests and friends of mine whom I could trust for confirmation. At least six priests, 2 who are exorcists, have told me that I must continue writing, that there is a mission here and that people need to hear these words, either by online form, a book, or both. And so I write.
Do I dare say that these are directly from God? No. I am not so presumptuous as to do so. I know that they are written in my writing style, but the content, although perhaps simple, I do not have naturally in my mind. They seem to me to be a synthesis of my Lord leading me more deeply into a knowledge of His love and mercy: to be still, to be small, to be His. I also know that I can no longer keep these words to myself. I would say that they are simply inspirations during prayer, many times in front of the Blessed Sacrament. A number of times, I have included a preamble to them as to what was on my heart at the time, which shows my humanity: my doubts, fears and sinfulness which my Jesus directs me through. My spiritual director said to just leave it at that, put it out there, and let people get what they wish from them.
Although I have left them consecutively as I wrote them, please read them as the Holy Spirit leads: randomly or in order, but as His beloved daughter, His beloved son, His beloved child. Discern them as our Lord may direct you to, and let them work as they will. If they do not touch your heart, let them go as just words directed from my human weakness trying to show God’s love, and let them disappear to a natural death...
My prayer is that our most Holy Mother may lead whom She chooses to these words, so that her beloved son Jesus may work as He desires: with His love and mercy within them.
I will continue to add any inspirations as, and if, they come.