So many doubts... April 20, 2024

Healing Mass and Adoration: I have so many doubts...

Oh blessed Jesus. I sit here, not in silence, but in active waiting, bent on running out the moment that my hour of Adoration is finished. Please forgive my lack of compassion, my selfishness. I have been silent so long in fear of writing down what I think You may be saying to me; fearing that what I write is not from You but more from the desire of my heart to write down words to become noticed! How prideful! Please forgive me in my pride! How horrible pride is, to boast about myself. How deplorable... it is like slathering myself in dung, thinking that it is a beautiful perfume: how vain! How wrong! Forgive me!!

Jesus, I trust in you. Please place Your healing balm over my thoughts and over my lips to heal me of lifting up my ego to beyond the dust that it is. I am Your child of inestimable worth. I know that. But it is only because of Your great Grace, Mercy and Love that it is so: nothing good comes from me alone. Please, once again allow me to use the gifts that You have given me to use. Please let me not allow fear, the fear that I may consider the lies that those gifts are of my own attributes or my own worthiness in front of You, to stop me. Allow me once more to play beautiful songs for You; to allow my fingers to compose melodies coming from You, upon the frets of my guitar and keys of the piano and from the pen to paper. Let my mind be cognizant that I am nothing but an obstinate jack-ass without You: that You are my everything. Allow my thoughts to be once more aligned with Your thoughts, free from pride, so that I may cling ever more closely to Your heart.

I praise you, I adore you, I desire to glorify your Name. Alleluia, Alleluia, Alleluia!! Amen, Amen, Amen!!